


Family Meetings Never Go Right

by anna_e



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben Hargreeves is Alive, Good Brother Ben Hargreeves, Good Brother Diego Hargreeves, Good Brother Klaus Hargreeves, Good Sister Allison Hargreeves, Good Sister Vanya Hargreeves, Sober Klaus Hargreeves, This Is STUPID, Vanya Hargreeves Deserves Better, Why Did I Write This?, am i right????, but i am Not A Fan, but not terrible, he's okay in this, i guess luther is a good brother, not like the best, they may roast the hell outta him but i promise they love him, what's family if you don't tear each other apart for your flaws, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 00:02:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18981067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anna_e/pseuds/anna_e
Summary: “I wish I was still dead.”“That’s only because you miss brooding and making snarky comments without anybody seeing or hearing you.”“Die.”“Already did brother.”Five looked at his siblings, all scattered throughout the room, with an expression that could almost count as dumbfounded. “I’m almost, baffled by how off track you all managed to get this conversation.”Klaus fist bumped the air. “Go team.”





	Family Meetings Never Go Right

**Author's Note:**

> So this has absolutely no plot. It's just a short fun lil thing I made. I literally just got bored and started writing this and then didn't hate it so I decided to post it for other people to enjoy a little snapshot of what I think life could be for the Hargreeves siblings if they just communicate with each other.

Family meetings never worked out the way they were planned. Five should have known this, especially after living with his siblings now for the past few months. You couldn’t shoot the guy for trying though. How else was he supposed to get information to the rest of his siblings? Group text? No, Klaus still had yet to own a phone, and Ben had a nasty habit of just leaving things in places since he wasn’t used to having to carry anything with him. 

So he made a valiant effort to corral all his siblings into the living room at least once a month to tell them any need to know information. It only had to take ten minutes, but that’s not how things ever work with the Hargreeves siblings. 

“So you’re saying that there's more of us?”

“So I’m-? Of course I’m saying there's more of us! There's thirty-six more of us Luther! And that’s only the other thirty-six that announced it somewhere for the old man to track them down. Who knows how many kept the children a secret. There could be hundreds of us.” 

“Oh what a joy, hundreds of other people that could have turned out like Five or Luther!” Klaus rolled his eyes and leaned against the arm of the chair he had claimed as his earlier that morning. “Why does this matter to any of us now? Dad never bought the other ones and clearly they haven’t done anything to make themselves known.”

“I mean, we should at the very least be aware that they exist. If they’re one of us, that means they’re like us, which means they could pose a real threat to society. We should be prepared for how to deal with them.”

“Careful now Luther, don’t wanna go retracing similar steps as before do we?” Klaus's eyes flicked over to where Vanya was sitting, her arms crossed as she glared over at number one.

“Yeah. If we do ever happen to run into one of them why don’t we try talking first, isolation chamber as a last resort?” 

Klaus snorted out a laugh and leaned over the edge of his chair to coerce Vanya into a high five, cheering when she shyly tapped his hand with hers. “Get his ass Vanya.”

Luther sighed and held his hands up in what was supposed to be a placating gesture. “I said I was sorry!”

“I’m pretty sure sorry stops working after you lock your sibling up like they’re a criminal.” 

Diego nodded in agreement with Klaus, not even looking up from where he was picking dirt or something out from under his nails with one of his knives, because  _ of course _ he was  “Vanya and Klaus are right. Vanya’s got every right to still be pissed at you about that.”

“Don’t try and act like you were any better!”

“Luther, I didn’t lock our little sister into a cage when the entire situation could have been avoided.”

Allison furrowed her eyebrows. “We’re all the same age?”

“I did what I thought was the best for everyone!”

“I’m not the same age as any of you.”

“Shut up Five, we’re all aware you’re ninety or something. And still Luther! If you’d just treated her with the respect and understanding she deserves we would have been in the clear. But nope, you were still moping about the old man and the failed moon mission so you decided to take it out on her.” He pointed his knife at Luther “Can’t say I’m not a dick to her,” he glanced back at Vanya, “sorry about that by the way,” before turning back to Luther, “but I’ve never hurt or laid my hands on anybody that I knew couldn’t take it.”

“As much as I appreciate you guys coming to my defense, I do think there is some concern to be had about the fact that there are more people like us out there. We don’t know how powerful they could be. If they could do- if they could do what I almost did.” The small woman somehow made herself appear even smaller by curling in on herself, an action that Allison tried to undo by wrapping her arms around her and resting her head on her shoulder. 

“Don’t sweat any of that Vanya, water under the bridge. And if that hadn’t had happened, we never would’ve gotten our precious Benny boy back.” Klaus sat up to slap the mans back affectionately, which was a reach since he had decided he was comfortable perched on the back of the opposite end of the couch. “Isn’t that right Ben?”

The glare Ben gave his brother in return made the other Hargreeves siblings laugh quietly as he spoke with the kind of dull monotone inflection that only somebody who’s only form of communication had been Klaus for a while could have “I wish I was still dead.”

“That’s only because you miss brooding and making snarky comments without anybody seeing or hearing you.”

“Die.”

“Already did brother.”

Five looked at his siblings, all scattered throughout the room, with an expression that could almost count as dumbfounded. “I’m almost, baffled by how off track you all managed to get this conversation.”

Klaus fist bumped the air. “Go team.”

Five groaned and made a mental note to try and get straight to the point next time so they couldn’t manage to get this far away from whatever he would be trying to tell them.

Or maybe he should just give up on getting them in the loop. Leave them to figure things out on their own and face the consequences of that. 

He was still undecided. 

**Author's Note:**

> I got curious and I was like, hm, I wonder if they'd ever get curious about the fact that they're not the only weirdos that were all born on the same day. Although I wouldn't put it past them to just 'hm, wacky coincidence.' because this family only has three brain cells and Pogo and Grace have one while Diego and Allison share the third.  
> Don't fight me on that I'm right


End file.
